From day 1 Teddy did not like being put down. He wanted to be held pretty much all the time. I didn’t want to leave him to cry it out and I don’t believe you can spoil a baby, however I had envisioned that I would be able to put him down for naps so I would have time to tidy, clean, do the washing, nap, get a little bit of a break, perhaps. I very quickly realised that wasn’t going to be possible for us and I have had to work around it. Yes, I did get the usual comments that I should just put him down and that I am spoiling him, but the way he would scream was so heart-wrenching. I knew that it wasn’t a case of him working around me, I needed to find ways and strategies to survive working around his needs, which apparently were to be very much glued to mumma all of the time. And I do get it. He has come from that safe, warm, snug environment of the womb to a harsh, noisy, bright world- and I am the only thing which is familiar to him. A familiar smell, a familiar sound. His blurry vision only able to somewhat focus on my face. So, what better way to recreate how he may have felt in the womb than by having him close and snug to me all the time? I can’t really blame him for feeling that way.
Ultimately, the following ten strategies helped me
survive. And I mean survive. Not thrive. I was literally just getting by those
first 7 months until he was able to sit up on his own and he got a little bit
easier- he is still very clingy though, even now.
1.
Babywearing! I ended up using my izmi
wrap way more than I anticipated. Aside from breastfeeding, I found it to be
the next thing which was able to soothe Teddy. From day 1, Teddy would not be
put down for a nap. He would wake as soon as I tried to place him down and
would be distraught. And if I tried to put him down using the mythical strategy
of ‘drowsy but awake,’ he used to cry to be picked up again. Babywearing meant I
could have both hands free. Teddy would be happy, snuggled in and asleep. And I
was able to get on with the things like walking the dog and doing the washing.
Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to do the thing I desperately wanted to at the
time (nap!- also, who is actually able to sleep when baby sleeps? Another
mythical thing, seemingly) and I also found some tasks hard because I had to be
careful about the way I was bending. Yet, I was able to use the wrap for skin
on skin time, bonding and I just loved how sweet and cosy he looked all
snuggled up. It was a lovely feeling being able to potter around with him close
to me.
2.
Contact napping/ giving in to being nap
trapped- Teddy fights his sleep. He fights it at night but he also fights
it during the day. From about two months old Teddy would have stayed awake all
day if we didn’t aid him to sleep. It took us a while to find some strategies
which could help him fall asleep in the day, but to begin with, feeding to
sleep was the only sure thing we had. However, if I fed him to sleep, I was
then unable to move him and would be nap trapped! And, again, that meant I was
often stuck and unable to get on with what I needed/ wanted to do. It also
meant I would feel very touched out by the end of the day, I eventually learned
to look at the nice side of it and embrace it. For example, it is the perfect
excuse to get out of things and actually allow myself a little down time in the
day. “Whoops, sorry, you are going to have to make dinner- I’m nap trapped.”
“You are going to have to let the dog out, he has just fallen asleep on me.” “I
guess I am just going to have to leave that piece of housework until later and
spend the next hour and a half cuddling my sleeping baby.” I would make sure
that I have my nappy caddy at hand with all the snacks and essentials I might
need and I would binge light-hearted, guilty pleasure series (mainly old
seasons of Love Island). It meant I had a bit of time to decompress and to be
fair, the cuddles were/ are pretty amazing. The smell of his head, his little
breaths, the rise and fall of his chest, the expressions he made in his sleep-
especially when he smiles or laughs as he is sleeping. How content, peaceful
and at home he is. I know I won’t ever regret cuddling him as often as I have
whilst he is little as I know there will be a day where he won’t want to cuddle
me anymore.
3.
As mentioned above, a nappy caddy filled with
snacks, water, muslins, the remote control- anything I might need within arm’s
length- is a life saver.
4.
Putting the side down on the next to me crib.
For some reason, I was reluctant to do this, but once I did, it did make a bit
of an improvement with transferring Teddy into his crib. Obviously I still had
issues, but being close to him, being able to hold his hand and the fact he was
able to see and smile at me, made him a bit more tolerant with being put down
to sleep. Although the success rate of transferal was still pretty low.
5.
Bouncer in the bathroom- was literally
the only way I could shower when James was at work. He could tolerate being in
there if he could see me/ be within arm’s length for when he did start to kick
off.
6.
Planning everything ever so carefully and
being as organised as a postpartum mess with extreme baby brain could be- so
whenever I did have to put him down, I could do whatever I needed to do as
quickly as possible to try and reduce the amount of time he would be screaming,
i.e. having everything laid out and prepared the night before.
7.
Peekaboo- helps with separation anxiety.
I started off with a translucent sensory scarf and would play a game of
peekaboo, including music or funny faces, covering Teddy’s face or my own. Then
I graduated to hiding behind things or popping out of the room to quickly grab/
do something and announcing “Peekaboo” on my return. It meant leaving him for a
minute or two turned into more of a game than an absolute panic of abandonment
for him.
8.
Singing in the car- Teddy hated/ hates
the car. He used to get so upset and it would be so awful not being able to
help him, alongside making it so hard to concentrate on driving when he was
screaming. I found if I sang his favourite nursery rhymes, he would quieten
down on hearing my voice. To be fair, this would only usually last for about 20
minutes maximum- although 20 minutes is a looong time to try and keep up a
rotation of nursery rhymes at the top of your voice whilst you are driving. I
was screwed if the journey was any longer. The nursery rhymes still work now-
‘row, row, row your boat’ is a particular fave in calming him down in an
instant- he now tries to sing along.
9.
When Teddy was sitting up on his own, I made treasure
baskets for each room. I made them relate to the room in some way and tried
to incorporate a range of everyday and sensory items- i.e. a hairbrush, a
slipper, a cuddly toy for the bedroom treasure basket, pots and pans for the
kitchen, a flannel, a sponge and some bath toys for the bathroom. I would then
sit Teddy close by to where I was busy doing something and he would entertain
himself by rifling through his treasure basket.
10.
Having a Velcro baby is undeniably exhausting
and obviously I would often find myself getting upset, frustrated or angry. It
would often make the days feel very long and I would get so touched out. When I
felt like this, I would try and change things up and do something different.
For instance:
·
Go for a walk with Teddy and Toby and get some
fresh air- I would always return feeling much better.
·
Tickle him so he would laugh- you can’t stay
angry or frustrated after hearing a baby laugh, can you?
·
Put some music on and dance with Teddy around
the living room- again, helped with changing my mood.
·
Arrange to meet up with a friend/ family member so
I could have a change of scene/ company and a bit of a distraction from how I
am feeling.
As Teddy began to crawl and walk, the ‘velcro-ness’ did
lessen. Although, there are still times when he can be really clingy or will
hang onto my legs wanting to be picked up. Now he is walking, I find it a lot
easier to include him in things I am doing- showing him how to do things and
how he can ‘help.’ Yes, it does mean everything takes ten times longer but, in
a way, I do enjoy how it forces me to slow down and I like that he feels
happier when he is involved. Having a velcro baby is really tough, but our bond
is undeniable- and even though I have found it exhausting, I know I will look
back on this time with absolute love and fondness in years to come.
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