When an idea strikes!

I am sure every writer has experienced this before, but I was about six chapters into the story I have started writing when I was hit with a completely new idea that has no relevance whatsoever to my current WIP. This left me with a bit of a predicament. Do I put my new idea in a back drawer, forget about it for the time being and continue with what I am currently writing which, let’s be honest, doesn’t enthuse me quite as much as this brand new sparkling idea, or do I allow myself to be enticed by this new concept, abandon my WIP at Chapter 6 and come back to it at some later date down the line?

Tricky.

I rightly or wrongly chose the latter and picked up a shiny new notebook to start plotting my new idea somewhere different from the old idea (didn’t want it to get jealous).

I know I have said this before but I love a new notebook. Blank fresh pages and the prospect of a new adventure. I particularly like my choice of notebook number two because it doesn’t have lines. This has been especially useful with the plotting and planning stage as I am a bit of a mind-mapper/ grid-maker (might be the teacher in me).  So far, I have plotted the sequence of the story, planned out some of the main characters (currently unnamed- I find coming up with character and place names to be one of the most difficult aspects of writing- I might write a blog post on this in the future. I’ve put that in bold in order to remind myself to write that blog 😊) but what I have enjoyed the most about my shiny, new idea (although the notebook is a close contender) is the fact that I have had to do a bit of research for it. I don’t want to say too much, but it involves the books below.

Let’s hope I stay committed to this idea and don’t get several chapters in when a new idea strikes and lures me away! 

Learning to be positive and following your dreams...

If I had to pinpoint the moment in my life when I became a “negative person,” I would probably have to say my teenage years. I mean, who isn’t a bit negative as a teenager? Seems to be part of that whole hormonal transition, but I think the negativity stuck with me. Not in an obvious, surface level way but more through self-doubt. I would always assume the worse, would always consider myself not capable even when there was evidence contrary to that, and even when good things did happen or I achieved something miraculous, I would always be fearing that there would be something lurking around the corner to take all of it away, or at least, make the whole achievement something I am not worthy of or something I do not truly deserve. I know a lot of people feel this way, but I started to find that as I got older, and perhaps more comfortable in my life, I was letting self-doubt and this lack of belief in myself, restrict me from aiming for all of the things I truly wanted.

I think I have mentioned this in previous blog posts, but at literally any point in my life, if someone asked me what my biggest dream was, the answer was always to be a writer- and still is. Yet, never in my life did I set aside the time to write seriously. It was that self-doubt again. If I started to write, I already felt like a failure. Becoming a writer is like becoming a model, actor, singer etc- near impossible and only for those special few who have connections or whatever. What I needed was a mindset shift. I needed to perceive writing in a different way, not the glamorised J.K Rowling kind of way I had grown up with. If I wrote a book, even if nobody read it at all, I was still a writer. I have written and created something. I have achieved something. And I needed to believe I was capable of doing that.

I have never been one to read books about developing yourself. I am much more of a fiction fan. I would prefer to escape to other worlds than face the reality of my own. But, last Christmas, I decided to pick out a few of these books and see if there was actually anything useful in helping me believe in myself a bit more. The majority of things I read I knew wouldn’t work for me (or is that the negativity talking again?) but I took on a few tips and a few ideas and decided to give them a go. One thing that has helped me massively is vision boards. I have made vision boards in the past without really considering them as “vision boards,” and without really thinking about what they mean. I made one for my interview as Director of English and managed to secure the position at the age of 25 and having only been a teacher for less than 3 years. That is a massive achievement, yet at the time, I don’t think I even truly saw it that way as, yet again, self-doubt and those negative thoughts ate away at me.

After reading about vision boards, I decided to make one for everything I would love (no matter how insignificant or wild) to achieve in the next 3 months to 20 years. It was really interesting to find myself adding things that I didn’t even realise I wanted, but up there as one of my main goals was becoming a writer within the next five years. In fact, having all of my aspirations laid out there in front of me really made a difference to how I thought about them. It was almost as if, because I could see them, they seemed more within my grasp and potentially possible one day, and it actually gave me the motivation I needed to start thinking about those small steps needed to get there.

I made my vision board in January and I had written my book by March. It was as if I needed something like this, a change in mindset, to just give me a little push to actually knuckle down and just do it. I then did something that I never thought I would have the courage to do in a million years and shared my work with others, even going as far as querying some agents with what I had created. To send my book to agent meant I had to believe in myself. This was a big deal. Something I had also dreamt of but hadn’t envisioned myself doing either at all or (when I created my vision board) for at least 5 more years. It felt good to be brave, and the feeling I had yesterday when an agency actually requested my full manuscript was one I hadn’t felt in such a long time. I finally felt positive about myself. And although I still have those realistic and grounding thoughts, such as there may be nothing that even comes from them reading my full manuscript, I am remaining positive because at least my writing is good enough that a professional has taken interest in it- and that makes me feel good and believe in myself just that little bit more. 😊

Lockdown reading and reading as inspiration for writing:

Surprisingly, I haven’t read as much as I usually do in lockdown. If I knew how long I would be at home at the beginning of lockdown, I would probably be shocked at how little I have read so far. I think this may be because I have been substituting some of the time I could be reading with a lot of writing and have been doing a few other different activities I wouldn’t normally do as well. The main times I read in “normal life” are on long journeys or audiobooks as I am getting ready for work in the morning- and as I am doing neither as much lately, I think that may be part of the issue also. I have had more time to think about what I am reading though. Usually (particularly when on holiday) I would just jump from book to book, swiftly picking up the next as soon as I had closed the previous, and I didn’t fully digest what I read. Now, I have more time, I am reading much more slowly and having a break before I pick up the next. Another way in which my reading is different is that (now that I am writing a lot more) I feel like I am looking at novels in a different way. I am thinking more about the writer’s process, wondering how they might have planned their narrative arc, why they have characterised characters in particular ways, etc. I am even starting to think about how I would have written the concept for the book (definitely not saying I would have written it any better, but it is interesting and fun to think about different ways the story could have gone!). I have always known, but now understand more than ever, how much reading can support your writing. Different books can support so many different writing ideas, so I thought I would write a little bit of my reading experience (as of late) and how these books have influenced my writing and the way I look at things.

This is one of the first books I read in lockdown and although it is anthology of all things Spring and not a fiction book as such, it really made me feel happy thinking about that transition from Winter into Spring and how much nature can influence mood and atmosphere. I love the change in seasons and would love to include more exploration of season change and nature in my writing. I feel that anthologies like this are a great place to start for inspiration.

I used to be obsessed with Greek Mythology as a child. I would read The Gorgan’s Head (pictured-not a lockdown read) over and over again… you can probably tell from the discolouration and bent cover… It used to scare me a little bit, yet for some reason it would be the “go to” read when I wasn’t supposed to be reading at night time and I had to sneak out into the hall where the light was left on in order to read it. Despite my childhood obsession, I hadn’t touched anything with any reference to Greek Mythology since studying Homer at University, so it was lovely to take the time to read this Greek re-telling (pictured left). I really enjoyed it and I really liked the romantic element. I have never been any good at writing romance or non-platonic intimate connections between characters, so I felt I learnt a lot about crafting those believable relationships from reading this. 

I really liked the tone and atmosphere of “The Secret History” (my next read). It is totally in line with the atmosphere I like to build in my writing, bordering more on the unsettling and eerie, and I really enjoyed how obsession and the nuances of character motivation was explored using the unreliable narrator. I love narrators who I can judge, speculate about and not entirely trust, and I am keen to build some of these narrators into more of my narratives.

Next was “Americanah.” I had been meaning to read this for such a long time. It had been on TBR for at least half a year and I am really glad I got around to reading it in lockdown. This was a fantastic novel on many levels. It was extremely layered, and again, I feel like it taught me a lot about characterisation and how much impact nuances in social interaction can have within a narrative.

And finally, I am reading “The Last.” This is actually a book my husband had purchased for himself. I am at the stage now of scouring the bookshelves for books I haven’t read yet or have accidently neglected to pick up, and I was initially hesitant wtih reading a book about the end of the world in the current climate. I haven’t finished it yet, but am enjoying the mystery it is currently conveying and I am thinking about how I might best evoke curiosity and mystery within my own writing- particularly as I am intending on writing a YA thriller.

I would love to know what you have been reading in lockdown. Leave me a comment and let me know all about your current reading journeys 😊 

My First Rejection

I received my first agent rejection on Monday. It was from the first agent I sent to. The “dream big” agent. My number one pick. Surprisingly, my first reaction wasn’t one of disappointment or sadness. I actually felt okay and, unexpectedly, motivated. I had been sending queries for about 2-3 weeks, and was actually worried I was going to fall into a void of being not heard at all, of nobody even picking up my chapters, or just complete and utter radio silence, so to know that they have even looked at what I have written (even if the answer is a no) made me feel somewhat relieved. And even though I have been rejected by my dream agent doesn’t necessarily mean it will be the same with the others. I feel that the fact that I have taken this plunge and been brave enough to put my work out there is a huge milestone for me, and I am still proud of that. I won’t let rejections get me down, and I am going to keep on pursuing my dreams. 

What Next?

I have researched the agents I want to send my novel to and have started sending queries. With the time for agents to respond (if they do) being sometimes 12 weeks or more, I know that now it will just be a waiting game. So, what to do in this time? I know the best way to fill my writing void is to start writing something else, but it is hard to let go of my first little creation and start focusing on something different. It feels like I am subconsciously giving up on it or laying it to bed way too early. However, now that I have time (time that I will probably never have again) and now that I am in a bit of a writing routine, I know the best thing is to keep writing.

I want to go BIG this time. My first novel was easing me back into writing- a succinct 26,000 with impact. I want to try out some new things. Have a go at world-building or something like that, although I am not sure where to start. Does anyone use anything for their world-building to help them create it? Are there any useful writing tools available to help with constructing something a lot bigger? These are all just ideas at the moment, little thoughts, because I am still in the process of moving on from my last, but I do want to use this time well and keep on writing 😊.

I'm querying!

I have never had greater deliberation on pressing that “send” button than I had yesterday at 11:07 am. I am not sure why- I had been intending to send the email for weeks; had prepared my cover letter, synopsis and chapters; gone through it all with a fine-tooth comb, and had others double check everything for me, but still, that pause before pressing send was excruciating! I have done it- I have sent my first ever query to an agent- my dream agent- and I know the wait will be long and I know the chances of being noticed by the agent is slim, but I am proud that I am finally summoning the courage within me to do things I have always dreamed of but never dared.

I know not to put all my eggs in one basket. I will send to more agents. I know the general recommendation is to send to half a dozen to a dozen, but I just thought for now, for this momentous occasion, I would send to just one (the one I would love to work with the most) and then will start working more strategically through my list. I think I just needed to get over that hurdle of sending my first ever query, and hopefully I will be pressing that “send” button much more confidently for the rest.

Fingers crossed!

Getting Feedback On My Book

So, for the first time in my life I have let other people read what I have written. I have finally worked up enough courage to send my book to people and ask them to comment and provide feedback on what I have written. Why is sharing writing such a scary thing to do? Most of us are writing to be read, but then those initial first steps of actually sharing our creations is one that I never feel confident about. Yet, I want people to give me feedback, I want them to tell me what they liked and didn’t like, I want to know how my book might possibly be received, any plot holes I may have missed, I want to know how to make it better. It isn’t that I am scared of being criticised. That is something that has never really bothered me in any aspect of my life. I am reflective, I actually like learning how I could improve on things. I think it may more be an issue of self-doubt. I have written something that I think works, but what if I am completely delusional and another person reads it and doesn’t get it at all- or thinks it foolish or worse, uses it to make a judgment upon me. All irrational insecurities, I know. But now I have actually taken the leap and shared my writing, I am not sure what all that fear and insecurity was really about. Ok, I admit, I have mostly only sent it to family and friends- baby steps-and I know their feedback is going to be much more gentle than someone who doesn’t know me. But I have started to branch out a little and started sending it to the actual audience my book is intended for. It is a YA, and I had initially only sent it to adults. My original plan was that I was going to share it in the school I work at once I felt ready to, amongst my English classes and in the library (anonymously) so I could get some feedback from the YA readers who would be reading the YA book, however with the school closing, I was unable to follow through with the plan. I also haven’t felt that the sharing of what I have written would be appropriate (or anonymous) through our home-learning systems. Despite this, I have managed to find a couple of willing volunteers in the targeted age group who are not close family or friends and I am currently awaiting feedback from them.

It would be interesting to know what processes other writers go through in obtaining feedback for their books, so if anyone reading this has a particular way they work through their feedback process, I would love to know.